The Furore of a Kenyan Wedding

The whole village woke up to a sense of excitement that no one could deny. Even the animals knew this was a special day judging from the animal feed and water already piled up near their sheds. A flurry of activities had taken place the previous day as everyone ensured there would be no chores left for the following day.

Today one of the village daughters will be getting married. The family of the bride has been the centre of attention for a while now with numerous meetings and feasts taking place in preparation for the big day. Of course the greatest of the days was when the groom to be, accompanied by family and very close friends, came to bring the bride price. Just in case you’re wondering, the girl’s family calls the shots here in terms of bride price, and all the groom and family can do is negotiate intensely to bring down the usually lofty demands from the bride’s side.

Relatives, close and otherwise, soon begin to flock the girls’ home. Already the bridesmaids are there having spent the night to make sure they are all at the same place on the wedding day – and of course to keep the bride company on her last night at her parents’ as a single girl. The joy and jubilance is unmistakable and contagious. That will be the mood for the day, so everyone had just better get used to it.

Busy stylists help make up the bridal party, and the word royalty comes to mind. This group is the centre of attention today, and the envy of everyone who is not part of the action. The bride, especially, is elevated to a place all her own. Everyone wants to be her, and all are at her service to cater to her every whim. Everyone wants to be associated with her, so any chance to smile at her, hug her, talk to her etc. cannot be missed as it makes one look good. Celebrity for a day - no wonder weddings are so contagious and addictive. Never mind how long the marriage will last, we all simply want a wedding!

Women walk into the compound with song and dance – the day lends itself to such expression. They sing as they cook in the kitchen, they dance as they greet one another, it’s the new walk of gait. Everyone seems to be walking on air today, forget troubles for a day, forget rivalry, jealousy and class today, forget duty for a day. Today we celebrate, tomorrow we climb down from this mountain. It’s a village affair, and a family affair, and a friends’ affair. It’s everyone’s affair, really.

The bride is excited too, but her thoughts are elsewhere. She’s thinking of her groom, how soon will he be here to pick her up for the big ceremony? How quickly can all this end? Don’t get her wrong, she’s ecstatic about today. Dressed like a princess, in pure white, silk, satin, lace, and everything dainty, delicate, fair and fragile. Her hair falls gracefully in soft locks, held up by a queenly tiara. She dons beautiful silver earrings that rest gently on her bare shoulder. So beautiful she can’t wait to be revealed to her groom, and everyone else.

She and her man have spent many sleepless days and nights organizing this wedding. For no matter how much family and friends get involved, in the end the couple has to tie everything together. They didn’t have a wedding planner, only a committee made of close friends and relatives. She’s tired, very tired. And although this day is her thrill, even more exciting is the end of it, when she and her man will say goodbye to the guests and disappear alone for that peaceful and quiet honeymoon.

Soon the family of the groom begin to arrive. The vehicles can be heard from afar, and the spy positioned strategically by the women brings word, ‘they are here’. Upon which the door to the house where the girl is is closed (or even locked), and the women break out into song. (Do men sing, I wonder? I’m sure they do, depending on which side they are, but the excitement of the women is such that the men don’t stand a chance of being either seen or heard).

The groom’s family attempt to alight from the vehicles but a larger group of women blocks the way and demands they go back a mile or so and come back with horns blaring. It’s a command, not a request, and they will obey it if they know what’s good for them. So they comply and soon anyone in a 10mile radius who had not known there was a wedding now knows. The car horns are going non-stop, the groom’s family will not risk antagonizing their soon-to-be in laws.

So amid this noise, and a tag of war as the groom’s side ‘sings’ to be given their bride and the girl’s side ‘sings’ their new demands to release the bride, the groom’s party slowly advances towards the house. You can be sure by the time this mini madness ends, enough money has changed hands for things like ‘women’s sodas, women’s shukas (scarves)’ etc. Again I wonder whether men stand a chance to ask for anything here. It’s a women’s day. I think men had their day during the bride price days of feasting, yeah, I’m sure I’m right.

At times during this ritual you can’t tell who is singing what as both sides compete for airtime. But eventually the Master of Ceremony, or the Best Man depending on the arrangements, prevails on the group of animated women to give it a rest and allow the groom to pick up his bride. And since this is a happy day, with everything else being just theatrical drama albeit with real results and benefits for the singing women, they happily give in and quickly change the song to ‘Welokamu’ (simply welcome), as they invite the groom’s family to come get their bride. And hence the wedding truly begins, though I promise you before that door behind where the bride is is opened or unlocked, that poor groom will have parted with some more cash. Oh well, ‘the pain of a child’ is what he’s paying for. The idea here is that the girl is leaving her parents to become part of the groom’s family. Never mind in this day and age though I think they both leave as few people will settle in their parents compound anymore. There isn’t enough land, and most young Kenyans would rather live in the towns where there is work and modernity. But tradition is tradition and, as long as the girl takes on the man’s name, then it is the girl who leaves while the man remains happily with his family, ha ha.

Finally the crucial door opens and an uncharacteristic silence ensues as everyone waits for the bride to emerge. Then she does and the man is asked whether she’s the one he came for. On saying yes, ululations and more jubilations follow, and after final remarks and prayers are over, now the real jubilation begins. Everyone is on the same side, no one is demanding for anything anymore, and now the real band for the day leads everyone in joyous songs and dance as they all head for whichever vehicles will take them to the wedding ceremony. The ceremony could be anywhere; the local church if the two choose to wed in the country, but more and more often, the ceremony will be in the city or the nearby town, and the bridal party is off for a long or short ride, depending on where the ceremony is.

Many of the villagers will not be going anywhere, of course. You can hardly transport all of them to wherever. They are content to have witnessed the ceremony of getting the girl out of the house, and they’ll go back to their homes and carry on with the day. If on the other hand the wedding is nearby, most will walk there and this day will be dedicated solely to this wedding.

And so begins another wedding in Kenya, and another marriage. The ceremony will be uncomplicated, taking on much of the white wedding version, but the reception will be characterised with much food, more singing and dancing, and a lot of gifts for the new couple. This will be a grand event and nothing, no one will be changing that any time soon.

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