Over the years I’ve observed curiously our queuing habits, be that in banks, bus-stops, public offices, at events etc. Whereas I can control how much space between me and the person infront, the person behind is much harder to contain. One only hopes he/she has a sense of personal space otherwise you can literally feel them brushing against your back or leaning heavily on you so that it actually feels like you’re carrying them. And if you step forward to create a bit of space they quickly close the gap. The fact that you can only be served one person at a time, no matter what distance there is between you, does not seem to matter. It’s as if by pushing they will somehow be served faster.
That one foot or so between you and the persons standing or sitting on either side of you, front or back, that is your precious Personal-Space. It’s not always so obvious however to most people that it’s a place not to budge into without authority, consent or permission.
Now, like on our roads, there might be a reason for this behaviour. Besides the fact that there never seems to be enough of anything therefore ‘Survival of the Fittest’ comes to play, we are used to people cutting queues for all sorts of dubious reasons. Like on our roads where when you leave the all-crucial braking distance between yourself and the vehicle infront you can almost be sure a mad driver will promptly etch himself into that space - so are our queues. And so for us protecting our personal space takes on a twisted, warped meaning – press in as closely as possible, drive as closely as possible to the vehicle infront, that way there will be no space for line cutters. We protect our space by eliminating it!
At times we push the queue out of shape, and curves, corners and bulges appear till it gets difficult to tell who is where.
I’m sure you’ve witnessed more than once the phenomenon where everyone has been waiting patiently in queue only for five people to appear at once and wedge themselves ahead of you because, apparently, they ‘were together’ with the person infront of you.
Now what on earth does that mean? What is the point of queuing at all if someone who gets out of bed when I’m already in the queue can come and catch up with me because ‘tulikuwa na huyu’? (we were together?)
We could borrow a leaf from much of the West where really first-come first-served means just that. And because of this assurance that no one will cut the queue, people there tend to be courteous and definitely respect others' personal space. One might of course argue they have everything, relatively speaking, and have little need to jostle. True, but courtesy is learned, and goes a long way in improving our way of life. If we practised courtesy in those places where we have no need to push like banks, and wedding food queues, then we will have started on a real journey of recovery and hopefully, as other things become more abundant and people stop practising nepotism, we can apply it elsewhere. It definitely doesn’t feel good when you’ve been queuing forever only for someone to appear from the inner offices and pick out someone behind you in the queue because they know them and of course, you are left to wait for first-come, first-served. Ironic!
If you’re queuing for food at a wedding and are a regular guest, you can afford to not jostle seeing as your life does not depend on it anyway and you are most likely assured of a meal one way or the other once you go back to your house. But if on the other hand you are queuing for some kind of charity food because you are unable to afford a decent meal, chances are you won’t be so courteous after all.
Question is, do we really believe in the idea of personal-space? What makes it yours anyway? You are after all not in your house but someone else’s premise or the public outdoors. So what makes it your personal space? (See, if you’re at home then members of your family by and large have the freedom to walk in and out of your personal space. That’s why it’s family.)
Well, believe me, we are all entitled to a little breathing space where we would want to believe we are not sharing anybody else’s air (even as an illusion), or that other people are not brushing against our bodies freely like it too is some kind of public property to be jostled about. Which is why those shoulder bashers in town are so annoying (have you met them?).
If there is a personal space, there definitely is a personal body. I take issues with anyone who imagines they have some kind of undisputed right to touch or brush against me without permission, except of course by mistake. Which is why it bothered me immensely the other day when a dude appeared from nowhere while I was purchasing some greens and proceeded to beg for bus-fare apparently to go to hospital. That was not quite the problem though, except the dude was persistent to the point of not only interrupting my purchasing process, but actually touching me continuously while at it. Like he had the right to not only demand for my money, but also take liberty with my body.
‘Please, whatever you do, don’t you dare touch me,’ I told him without any apology. What those nearby thought about that I have no idea but I was not going to have a total stranger physically all over me one way or the other.
He seemed rather faced, but that’s okay. Obviously the word personal body or space were both foreign to him. After my purchase I gave him change amounting to about Sh.20 but he didn’t like the fact it was not in note-form (bill) so he rejected it and I told him if he didn’t like it he could give it to the woman who had just served me. She deserved it more, I figured. And he actually gave it away in a barrage of his native tongue. So much for helping those in need.
Our sitting arrangements are no better. If we find seats or benches in churches, restaurants or other such halls, we will make sure we pack ourselves so tightly until, sometimes, we push the person at the end out. But even on benches please there is a personal space. And if chairs are arranged next to each other we shouldn’t imagine we can find a sitting spot in between the chairs, making those already on the chairs highly uncomfortable. Standing is okay people, if sitting space is over. Or at least look for an agreeable alternative. Don’t even get me started on that gap or hole between the seats near the door in Nissan Matatus where the touts always pretend they are offering you a seat only to push you into this hole once you’re inside. Men we have issues!
To be fair we’ve come a long way in this area. We’ve grown into courtesy, and availability of resources and infrastructure is reducing the need for all the pushing. You’re lucky if you escaped the days where we not only shoved to get into vehicles but, once there, those standing were packed like sardines against each other while those seated also endured an extra person who was planted between them to stand behind the seats. (Yeah, I know. So crazy I don’t have the language to give you the exact picture. You had to be there.) Some of the stuff that happened to those standing at such close proximity was literally illegal. You only hoped the person behind you wasn’t a pervert!
One word or two - Personal-Space. Vitally important, it’s a huge step to true freedom. We’re not in jail so we should be able to decide what happens to us without enduring the body heat and odour (I don’t mean to ruin your dinner) of those around us. Just a foot on either side is all we ask. Really, is that too much?
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